Alone
by baconandmalec
Summary: HP next generation, Scorpius's 5th year. For the first time, he was the only one in his dorm during Christmas holidays. But he didn't end up being alone. Rape, AIDS, possible self-harm. Mention of a suicide attempt. Possibly mentions of an eating disorder.
1. one

**SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape and sexual harassment.**

This may be the first, and last time, I ever think this, but thank Merlin that Christmas holidays are finally over. The day has arrived that all my classmates, friends and enemies will be coming back home. To Hogwarts.

However, they're not here just yet. So, I'm sitting in the safety of the Slytherin common room, waiting in a comfy armchair right in front of the blazing fire. The ground is still thick with snow and most of the students that are here, are making the most of it before the place is back in action.

Thankfully, there are still a few Slytherins 'round here, not that they keep me company, but after so many weeks of being alone in my dorm, having people around is amazing.

You know, these were my first Christmas holidays alone at Hogwarts. In first year, it was Albus and I left here. I, personally, have never gone home when I can help it and before now, wasn't planning too. Albus wanted to spend his first Hogwarts Christmas, at Hogwarts. In second year, we all stayed except Albus. So on, until this year, 5th year, I got the dorm all to myself.

And, as most would expect, as a fifteen year old boy, I was more than content with having the dormitory for two weeks. And I practically had the common room to myself too. Only two Slytherin prefects, the Head Girl (whom happened to be from Slytherin this year), and eight other Slytherins stayed behind.

Sure, being by myself for a while did increase my boredom, but it allowed me to catch up on homework, get extra marks from teachers, relax…

And suddenly my holidays got a whole lot more interesting.

 _I'm in the middle of reading an_ incredibly interesting _book for History of Magic before bed, when I hear a sharp knock on the dormitory door._

 _Did Albus come home early? Cole? Oh, I hope one of them did._

 _I answered the door and was greeted with disappointment. It's that prefect from the year above me, Blake… something or other. I always forget his last name._

" _Did I leave parchment in the common room again?" I asked, bypassing any introductions and going straight to the point._

 _He gave a small smile, but it was enough to make my gut feel cold. "No, actually, I can't find anyone else to ask, so do you mind helping me for a minute?" He gestured behind him, to the stairs leading back down to the common room._

" _Oh, yeah, no problem." The quicker this is over with, the less time I have to spend with his creepy ass. I move to leave the room, expecting him to do the same but instead he blocks me off by stepping forward, and closing the door swiftly._

" _But, I thought-″_

 _He interrupts me unapologetically. "Yeah, in a sec. I'll just talk to you first, okay?"_

" _Aright…" I say this slowly, walking back towards my bed and sit down facing him. He still stands. I gesture for him to sit down on the bed across from me. Seb's bed. I want to laugh. Oh, Seb would hate that. I think their two families have got something against each other or something._

 _Blake waves off the offer, and opts for sitting next to me instead._ Right _next to me. On_ my _bed. I feel his thigh pressing up against my own and shiver. I try to shuffle over, but it's a matter of milliseconds before he resumes his position, just as close, if not more, than before. I look at my feet, heart racing and wishing that 'm just overreacting, I'm just being stupid, I'm overthinking, I'm-_

 _I feel his breath on my neck as he speaks. "We're just going to talk, aren't we? No need to act so cold." He purrs, leaning in towards me._

" _Muffliato." He whispers, moving away for a second to aim this spell at the door._

 _Blake wastes no time pressing him face to my neck once more._

 _I finally find the ability to speak and spit out the words, "What was that for?"_

 _I can feel his puckered lips on my collarbones, his tongue roughly massaging my skin. I'm not expecting a reply after a few seconds, but eventually I get one. He manages to prise his lips off me, just long enough to say, "Well, I have no idea, if you're a screamer or a moaner, do I? We'll find out soon enough I suppose._

 _I look up at him to see that wicked smile again, and unsuccessfully try to shove him off me, but he's stronger, so much stronger, and older and…_

Although I'm sitting in front of the roaring fire, layered a thick jumper and a woollen blanket drawn up to my chin, I'm shivering at the thoughts of his hips grinding against mine, his hands exploring my body like no one else had. No, not thoughts, unfortunately. _Memories_.

 **Ahh sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. Hope you enjoyed, reviewing makes my day, hint hint. xx**


	2. two

**SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape and sexual harassment.**

It wasn't much longer until the train arrived that afternoon. At two-thirty, the first lot of Slytherins strolled into the common room, bringing life to the common room for the first time in a while. It was refreshing to see everyone rushing to greet their friends, and discussing what happened during the last few weeks.

Albus, Seb, Dom and Cole only took a few seconds to find me, making a beeline for the fireplace and good armchairs as soon as they walked through the door.

"Scorp!" Albus called, just before they all reached me, and snatched the blanket off my lap, for himself, before sinking into the armchair next to me.

"Ass," I muttererd, drawing my knees up to my chest, suddenly cold without the thick protection of the blanket.

"Hey, quit your moping, we're back!" Dom greeted me with.

"That's _why_ I'm moping," I shot back, accompanied by a grin. "So how was everyone's holidays?"

That night was the first night that I had felt safe in the dorms in what seemed like a long time. I could sleep in bed without the anxieties of Blake coming back (which he had, many times throughout the holidays) for me. I could lie in the dirtied bed, haunted with the disgusting, and horrifyingly recent, memories.

Well, I thought I would be okay for the night, anyway. Until I closed my eyes and all that had occurred in this room was imprinted on my eyelids.

" _Imperio!"_

I flashed open my eyes again, greeting the dark with relief. No face looming above me. Remember, Scorpius, it's all over now. I tried to sleep once again.

" _Just pretend I'm Albus, maybe then you'll be into this more."_

By now, I was shaking. I nearly ripped the curtains around my bed, with the amount of force I put on them. Swinging my legs off the side of my bed, I savoured how the floor felt on my feet, the cold drawing me back to reality. Really, Scorpius, you're absolutely _fine._

" _I've seen the way you look at him when you think no one is watching you. But I'm watching you. And I want you to look at me like that while I fuck you."_

And with that, I jump out of the bed and sprint to the attached bathroom. I waste no time switching on the light or closing the door, instead just finding my way to the sink out of habit. I lean over it, breathing hard. I feel a cold sweat on my forehead, a pit in my stomach. Something is trying to make its way up and out of my throat, but I swallow and force it back down. My weak and shaking arms are so close to buckling under my weight…

The light flicks on.

I look up, pushing blonde hair out of my eyes. Not trusting myself on my own two legs, I lean against the counter for support.

"Scorpius?"

My eyes are still adjusting to sudden light but I don't need to have crystal clear vision to know whose voice that is.

Albus.

He earns a quick glance from me before I focus my attention to the mirror. My face is paler than usual, which is saying something, making the dark circles under my eyes stand out stark.

"Are… are you okay?"

I try to shrug off his question, and finally look away from that poor excuse of a human being. I can barely meet his eyes, not after stressing about all those things Blake said…

Still without speaking to him, I push past him. He obliges, and presses himself against the door frame so I can exit. I feel his eyes following me as I walk across the room, to the furthest bed, mine. I try not to look back.

When I'm back in my bed, swamped with thick, warm blankets that make me feel like I'm suffocating, I respond to his last question.

No, Albus. I'm really not okay.

 **Short chapter, hope this suffices! There is pretty much only one scene in this whoops sorry. Most chapters will probably be like this because I'm hella lazy. Reviews make my day! 3**


	3. three

**SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape, anxiety, homophobic language (self-directed) and sexual harassment.**

The following morning, I awake to an empty dorm and an anxiety attack.

It completely escapes my mind that the holidays are over.

Instead, I remember all the mornings I woke up with blood in between my thighs, hickeys creeping up my neck, cum splattered across my chest.

And suddenly, I can't breathe and I'm alone again. There's no one to turn to and the only person I will see today is Blake…

I just can't deal with all the thoughts running through my head and yet it's impossible to think anything, all at once.

My hands are shaking, my heart is beating out of control, my mouth too dry. I can't comprehend what I'm doing enough to stop myself from doing it, but the knowledge that I'm thrashing around on my bed, twisting in rumpled sheets, is there, just barely. I can feel the sweat running down my forehead, feel my hot, stale breathe in the air around me and it repulses me further.

The door swings open and I can hear laughter falling short. I must've still been convulsing pretty violently when they walked in.

"What the fuck?"

I don't know who it was exactly, but hearing that it wasn't Blake was enough to allow my muscles to become less tense and my breathing to become more controlled.

Someone ran over to me and grab my shoulders, possibly to keep me still, possibly to comfort me. But even the slightest touch, after that kind of scene, after _Blake_ , terrified me. I still wasn't completely back in reality. I screamed and punched whoever it was in front of me. They fell backwards, I could hear them hit the ground. I could also hear someone slam the door shut, before half of Hogwarts could come running in to see what the hell happened _this time._ At least someone had some common sense.

Unlike whoever grabbed me… Couldn't they see I don't want to be touched? Don't they know what I've been through? Don't they know something is wrong with me?! Why would they want to touch me, a fucking _fag_ who is in love with his best friend? How can they stand to be in the same room as me, a man-whore who's had a dick in him nearly every night for the past two weeks?

It's only now that I realise that I've had my hands over my ears, still screaming at those around me. My best friends. Who've done _nothing wrong._ Oh my Godrick, they don't deserve this. They don't deserve to know me, let along be friends with a monster like me…

I shut my mouth, and slowly bring my hands away from my ears to cover my mouth, partially in horror at what I've let them see, partially to silence myself and make sure I don't start screaming again. My cheeks are damp, and then I realise I've been crying. My pale skin flushes with red.

I see Cole on the floor still, a good three or so metres away from me, his hands covered with blood that is dripping from his swollen nose. He is attempting to give me a dirty look but with the pain from his nose makes it look like a grimace.

"Oh crap, Cole, I'm so sorr-″

I stand up, and take a step towards him, reaching out, wanting so desperately to make up for what I've done to him. He doesn't take kindly to this, trying to push himself along the ground, away from me, one hand still cupped under his nose.

They all want an explanation. How I wish I could give them one, but what can I tell them? I thought that when they came back, this would all be so easy to put behind me.

It takes them a minute to react to all of this, but eventually Dom shakes his head, in disgust, might I add, and opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off.

"Save it. I don't want to talk."

Of course, Slytherins don't do 'talking-about-problems', least of all Slytherin males. Let's be honest. So naturally, none of my friends protest about me not wanting to talk, in fact, most were _relieved_ they weren't forced to have a heart-to-heart. And frankly, I was more than grateful not to have to lie to them. It's not like I'd be able to tell them the truth…

Albus speaks up, thankfully changing the subject. "Well, you were still asleep when we went down to get breakfast, so…" He takes a moment to pause and check his watch. "You have 10 minutes to get ready for your first class. Potions, with me and Seb. In the dungeons, as per usual."

He directs his attention to Cole now (you can imagine how disappointed my inner gay was…) and casts an episkey spell his way.

"Meet you there." He nods to me and turns towards the door, which the others take a signal to scatter, leaving me to my privacy.

Once again, I'm left alone and I really don't like the space once filled with my screams, now stinking of blood, unanswered questions and silence.

 **I meant to get a few scenes done in this chapter, but oh well! I'm not used to writing chapters, I usually stick to one shots. So posting 700-900 word chapters once every 2/3 days is my main goal for now. Start small, eh? As always, reviews are appreciated! Love y'all xx**


	4. four

**SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape, anxiety, abuse, self-harm, suicide, bullying and sexual harassment.**

Eight minutes later, and counting, a boy still with bed hair and morning breathe is rushing through almost empty corridors, to the dungeons, arms aching with textbooks. That boy is me, unfortunately. God, fifth year advanced potions is a _pain._

But, I made it to my potions classroom in the nick of time. I crashed through the door, nearly dropping my books, which in my haste to get to class in time, I couldn't find a bag to dump them all into and make it five times easier getting to class.

"Right on time, Mr. Malfoy," my professor drawled, making a show of looking at his watch. He looked up, and gestured to the rest of the class, "Please, feel free to take a seat."

I make a beeline for my seat next to Albus, behind Seb and his cousin, from Ravenclaw or something like that… When I get to my seat, I realise how strongly I've been smelling Albus's deodorant since I walked into the room. I snort and whisper to him about it.

"Merlin, you went a bit overboard this morning Al."

He raises his eyebrows in response. "What?"

I chuckle quietly, and shake my head. Seb's cousin, who must've heard this interaction, turns around and looks at me funnily. I shoot him a glare and he spins back round.

The professor appeared to be marking the roll in these few minutes and started the lesson.

"Now, usually we wait until sixth year to introduce you guys to this potion, but I made this one specifically for a sixth year class later today, and there's no harm in letting you guys get a look at it while you can."

We all got out of our seats and inched forward for a closer look at whatever was bubbling in the cauldron at the front. As we approached it, the smell of Al's deodorant got even stronger. Now I could also smell smoke and cherries. Odd? Just a bit.

"This, everyone, is Amortentia. Also the most powerful love potion in the world. Anyone heard of it?"

A handful of people raise their hands. One of them being Seb's cousin, which is who our professor calls on to speak.

"Whatever the potion smells like to you, are the scents you love most. It usually comes from whom you are in love with, or, whomever you have a crush on at the time." The teacher applauds him and when the attention drifts from him, Seb's cousin (Godrick, I really need to learn his name) turns around and smirks at me.

Now I know why I'm smelling Albus's deodorant, but he isn't the only person I know who wears the same deodorant.

The other person is Blake.

Dread fills my stomach and suddenly I feel so sick. I clutch at my stomach with one hand and my mouth with the other. I start to bolt for the door, and people who see me are quickly moving themselves as to not get in my way. I just make it to the bathroom across the hall, and into a stall before I vomit up whatever is left in my stomach from dinner last night. Even with the smoke, freshness and sweet scent of cherries now replaced by a putrid smell, all I can think about is that stupid love potion. Not the taste of vomit in my mouth, not the fact that I can hear footsteps and the bathroom door swinging open once more.

And, like a fucking sulk, I start sobbing. I lean back on the wall of the stall, bring my knees up to my chest, and fold my arms over my knees, my forehead resting on arms and _cry._

I feel a presence next to me, but I just don't fucking care at this point. Not until I realise that that presence carries with them the smell of _Blake_.

I make the impulsive mistake of scooting away and also bolting up at the same time, causing me to hit my head against the toilet, _hard._ The impact makes me feel nauseous all over again, so I bend over the toilet seat before I get a chance to see who came after me.

After several seconds of no waves of sickness rolling up from my stomach, I deem it safe to straighten up. And of course, it's only Albus who followed me. Not Blake… not Blake.

"What the _fuck,"_ I pause to swipe my hand against my mouth, which comes away grimy, "Are you doing here?" I ask before he gets the chance to say anything.

"I want to make sure you're okay." He says, defensively. "I know the others really don't want to talk about feelings and shit, but you're my best friend and I care. So, are you? Okay, I mean?"

I shrug. It's not like I can tell him, of all people…

"I was just feeling sick this morning. All those smells just kinda…" I gestured at the mess I was in.

"Yes, because that explains what happened when we came into the dorm this morning, huh?"

I broke eye contact with him and looked at my feet, feeling a hot flush on my cheeks.

"Albus, I really, _really,_ wish I could tell you but… I can't. Not now at least."

He nodded. "I understand, just, tell me one day? Before it's too late to help…" I numbly nodded my head, meeting his pressing gaze once more.

He left the stall and I locked it behind him, realising I mustn't have the first time I came in. I resumed my position of the floor, just not crying this time.

I know he wants to know, badly. I know why too.

Before I came to Hogwarts, my father bet me. Not too badly, and not often. When I came back from my first year at Hogwarts, then it got serious. I guess he pent up a lot of anger during the year and finally he could direct it all at me. I came back to school with a broken arm and a black eye. He was nice throughout my year at Hogwarts, and frequently exchanged owls with me. Then the same thing happened during the summer between second and third year.

I never cut myself, but I did put myself in situations intentionally to harm myself, or more. Albus eventually found out about it all halfway through third year and he helped me get out of some bad habits. Towards the end of third year, Albus's brother, James, attempted to kill himself. That hit Albus pretty hard. He wanted to make sure he could protect me even more now, make sure I didn't do the same thing or fall back into old routines.

I don't know what changed, but my father didn't hit me that summer. He hasn't since, either. And Albus knows that, but now it might seem that things are getting bad again. His protective ways are resurfacing again.

Eventually, when my legs started getting cramps, I stretched them out with satisfying clicks, and left the bathroom. Personally, I think vomiting up half my guts warrants for the rest of the day off, don't you?

 **idkkk is this any good? Sorry it took so long, I was busy af. But, I finally managed to come up with this! Hope it suffices** **It's 1200 words, ahh very happy w/ myself haha.**


	5. five

**SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape, anxiety, abuse, self-harm, suicide, bullying and sexual harassment.**

As I get to the common room, I realise it might not be the best idea to be stuck in my dorm for the next few hours by myself. Instead, I turn on my heel and head down to the kitchens, having missed out on breakfast and then emptying my stomach.

The walk down to the kitchens is peaceful, as there are little classrooms along the way and they all just so happened to not be in use, and I, thankfully, didn't encounter anyone. Key words being, the walk down. I didn't see anyone on the journey there, but at the kitchens, there was. Other than the house elves, of course.

As soon as the painting of the fruit bowl swung open for me, the house elves rushed me over to a stool with a hot cup of coffee and a pastry, next to none other than James Potter. He was clutching a mug and complimenting a house elf on something when I got plopped down on the seat beside him, but once the house elf scurried away blushing, he turned to me.

"Don't you have class? Albus was at breakfast this morning and if you guys had a free period first up, he would have still been sleeping." James asked, smiling faintly.

I ran my hands through my hair and sighed. Yes, I was ashamed of running out of class. No, I didn't want to explain it to my best friend's brother. Having Albus comfort me was embarrassing enough. But he would ask eventually and there was no way I could get out of it without seeming rude.

"Um, yeah… yeah, we had Potions."

"So, why are you here instead?" James presses, as I thought he would.

I shake my head, desperate to avoid having to admit to him. "I could be asking you the same question."

The smile disappeared from his face. "Just too stressed to deal with a class right now." He answers curtly, and takes a sip from whatever is in his cup.

I am not one for deep conversations and all that but I don't want to be the one that was able to help and didn't.

"Oh, ah, are you alright?" My eyes are drawn to his wrist, and he must notice them lingering there for a bit too long, because he responds.

"Albus." I quickly move my gaze to his face. The smile is back, reassuring as ever. "I'm fine."

"Okay," I say quietly. "Sorry." I add.

"What for? It's better you ask than not." James shrugs. "Now, saying that, I _must_ ask. Are _you_ okay?" The second Potter to ask me that today.

I take a bite of the pastry the house elf gave me, and savour the sweetness. "'M fine." I say through a mouthful of it. I drain the rest of my coffee and stand up. "I should be going." I wasn't planning on going to my next class, but if I left now, I would have time to duck into the dormitories and grab my stuff for Muggle Studies. Luckily, the classroom is one of the closest I have to the Common Room.

James raises his arm in farewell and sips his drink once more. On my way, I spot a bowl of cherries and the house elves are too busy to notice me pop one into my mouth.

I make it back to the dormitories just in time. Taking the steps two at a time, I crash through our door to find my Potions books and the parchment I took to class with me lying on my bed. I had completely forgotten about them, Seb or Albus must've brought it back up with them. I smile, and grab the roll of parchment, a set of quills, a pot of ink and my Muggle Studies book, and dump it into a bag in a rush.

I race back down the stairs, looking at my feet to make sure I don't trip, and skipping the last step, I bump into someone, nearly falling backwards. I steady myself and mutter an apology.

Looking up and seeing who it is I have bumped into, cuts my half-hearted sorry off. Blake. He is smirking deviously, but before I can witness anymore, I sprint out of the common room. Without acknowledging where I'm going, I stop, short of breath, right outside of the Muggle Studies classroom.

Having sprinted the entire way there, cut my expected arrival time in half and I was actually early. Upon entering the class, still struggling to breathe, I was ambushed by Seb's cousin. He smiled in an odd way, and I privately thought it didn't suit him.

"How are you feeling? You looked quite ill when you ran out of Potions."

"I'm fine." I try to move around him, but he cuts me off and I get a feeling mixed of déjà vu and panic. " _I'm fine."_ I say again, grunting in annoyance.

"I'm Oliver." He states, breezily, holding out his hand.

"Great, Scorpius, nice to meet you." Trying to get this over and done with, I quickly shake his hand.

"Oh, I know your name. Albus Potter and Sebastian were talking about you after you left Potions class this morning." He says, offhandedly, and cocks his head slightly. "Speaking of Potions class this morning, what did _you_ smell as a result of the Amortentia? I smelled new books, vinegar and ink…" His gaze travelled to the side.

"Oh, Cole Flint." He says, and I turn around, relieved that I have an excuse to end this conversation.

"Uh, yep, let's talk about this later." I say, not actually planning to talk to him ever again, let alone soon, before joining Cole to find a desk.

 **When I've finished this book, I will join up every 2-4 chapters to make larger ones. It's just easier to update for now. I'm hoping to get 50+ of the chapters I'm doing now (ambitious… yeah.) to make up 15+ proper chapters.** **Sorry for not updating in yonks.**


	6. six

**SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape, anxiety, abuse, self-harm, suicide, bullying and sexual harassment.**

By the end of the day, I was exhausted and my muscle ached. First day back after the Christmas holidays and I was already fed up with the increase in classwork and homework in preparation for O.W.L.'s. What a great start.

Dinner that night was an ordeal to keep my eyes open. But then I felt a hand brush against my back, and I was immediately alert. Albus noticed me sit up straight but had the sense not to mention it. The hand passed quickly, fingertips lifting up the bottom of my shirt as it trailed across my lower back, and I shivered when it finally left. A weight, that I wasn't aware had settled on my chest, had been lifted.

I didn't need to look to see who it was, making his way down to the far end of the Slytherin table. I had felt that hand pressed onto my bare skin often enough to know it and its owner off by heart.

Feeling Albus's eyes still on me, I look up to be greeted with a pitying look. He didn't see the reason why I had tensed up. He probably thinks I'm crazy. Am I crazy? I shake my head and redirect my attention back on Albus.

"Don't." I hiss and push away my plate. "I've lost my appetite."

I stand up, and try to walk away, but Albus grabbed my wrist. Surprised by the sudden touch, I recoil away from his hands and hit his arm. It takes me a moment to realise what I've done, and that I'm drawing attention. With a glance around at the people sitting near us at the Slytherin table and across from us at the Ravenclaw table, I can see that small groups are following this dispute intensively.

I panic, and run out of the Great Hall. There'll be time for apologies later. My run quickly slows to a fast walk once I am out of the eyesight of everyone. My breath had become shallow after running that short distance. I felt like I could collapse, so I leaned against a broom closet and tried to calm my inconsistent breathing. I don't know why I was getting so tired all of a sudden. Stress?

Once I had regained control, I could hear footsteps. They didn't sound like they were in a hurry to be anywhere particular so I let myself hope that it was not anyone looking for me. Although, I'm not sure why anyone would want to be with me after that scene in the Great Hall. I could feel my cheeks redden with embarrassment.

Finally, the footsteps reached me. I watched as a face materialized from around the corner. I didn't have time to back away, and there was no one there to save me. I was alone again, just me and him.

Blake's face loomed in front of mine, smug and he placed his hands on the broom closet, on either side of me. I was trapped, our faces so close, I could feel his breath on my face.

"You should be more careful, or someone will find out what a fag you are." He murmured.

I shy away from his words, the wood of the cupboard pressing into my spine uncomfortably.

He pressed his lips to mine, so roughly that I was sure it would leave a bruise.

"Kiss me back, bitch. If I was Albus-" He smirked as I flinched at the name. I didn't want my best friend to be associated with these memories. "-you would, wouldn't you?"

I raised my hand to push him off of me, but he swiftly pinned it before his own hand, nails digging into my wrist. I relished the pain.

"Don't be a prude. You are a Malfoy, so you should be welcoming any of the little action you will get."

He released me from his hold, slowly removing his body from mine and disappeared down the hall. Without anything to keep me on my shaking legs, I slid down the cupboard, into a sitting position, covering my face with my arms.

Seconds later, a flood of Slytherin and Hufflepuff students came around the same corner that Blake had, all trying to get back to their Common Rooms, they all skirted around me and avoiding looking at the poor excuse of a Malfoy.

After the stampede of students had gone their respective ways and their steps had long stopped echoing off of the stone walls, I deemed it safe to follow the way the Slytherins had gone. It was a lonely walk down to the dungeons, nothing to distract me from anticipating the Slytherins' taunts.

Someone's voice came into earshot when I neared the Slytherin Common Room. I kept my head down, but the conversation stopped when the participants caught sight of me. It was a Slytherin and a Gryffindor standing outside of the entrance. I could feel their curious eyes following me as I pushed pass them.

"Pride," I muttered to the stone wall, expecting it to grant me entrance but it refused to budge. I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks, conscious of the fact that the Slytherin and Gryffindor were still keeping an eye on me.

"The password's been changed," The Slytherin said, not unkindly. I didn't dare to look up, but she approached me to tell me what it was. I cowered away from her, and she looked off put for a second but recovered quickly. "It's heir." When she spoke this time, it was less warm.

The wall responded to the password. I considered apologising, or thanking her. But when I saw who it was, disregarded the idea. James Potter was the Gryffindor whom she was talking to. He didn't acknowledge my presence, but his gaze softened when we made eye contact.

I scurried into the dimly lit passageway and made my way to the Common Room. Thankfully, all of the people who were there either, frankly didn't give a damn about me or were paying attention to the giant squid. The only person who greeted me was Horace Slughorn. Well, the portrait of him.

"Ah, good evening… Draco!" He said, cheerfully, which is the opposite of what I felt at the moment.

"Scorpius." I corrected him and moved on before we could argue about what my name was.

My dorm room was silent when I entered, each of my friends entertaining themselves. The mood changed when I walked it, turning the comfortable silence, awkward and cold.

I waited. None of them reacted to me entering the room.

"I'm sorry, Albus." I croaked.

But Albus wasn't the one to reply. Instead, Cole and Seb jumped to his defence.

"What in Merlin's name were you thinking?!" Cole reprimanded.

"What is your problem?!" Seb backed him up.

I shrugged. I couldn't answer either of those questions. I wasn't thinking. And indeed, I did have a problem. Just not one they could know about.

This time, I walked about to Albus, who was sitting on his bed, studying a book and ignoring the scene unfolding before him. "I'm sorry, I really am."

He put his book down. "It's alright."

 **third chapter in a row that is more than 1000 words! hope you guys are happy with me aha xo. i didn't manage to reach the scene i wanted to in this chapter but oh well, i got a lot more done than i had hoped for.**


	7. seven

**SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape, anxiety, abuse, self-harm, suicide, bullying and sexual harassment.**

Seb, Cole and Albus's whispers eventually faded, each having drifted off to sleep. I was still wide awake.

I didn't quite feel welcome to join in the conversation, it appeared to be something important and if it had concerned me, they would've surely let me know. Besides, I had other things preoccupying my mind.

I couldn't shake off the feeling of his nails digging in my wrists. Anything else, I could forget about. Everything else was the same old, but the pain was comforting. And comfort was not something I associated with Blake.

His nails didn't draw blood, but they left small red marks, that you would miss unless you were looking for them.

Albus was the last to fall asleep and I had to be certain he was this time, and I would not wake him as I previously had. And so, I waited until I could hear his unmistakable snoring, then waited a few minutes more and then deemed it safe to slip out from under the covers and pinch my wand from my bedside table.

I moved at a troll's pace towards the bathroom, holding my breath. Once I got to the bathroom, I rested the door on the door frame, rather than closing it completely and risking making any more noise than necessary.

Instead of turning on the light, I whispered 'lumos' and let my wand tip guide the way. I made my way to the sink and rummaged through the drawers.

I get to the third drawer before I find anything suitable. A nice, sharp razor. Quickly, I pry the plastic away and take out the metal blade inside. I hold it just under the marks already on my wrist, wanting so desperately to feel that pain again.

But after all this effort, I just can't bring myself to do it. It brings me such shame to know what Albus would think of me if I hurt myself. He wouldn't want to be associated with someone who will bring him down or drag James down that path again. And I just couldn't bear to be rejected by the Potters', who are more my family than my father, at this point.

With that in mind, I throw the blade back in the drawer, along with the unusable plastic and hope no one will see it. Even though I don't want to hurt myself right now, I can't find it in me to throw it out, just in case. I shudder at the thought of ever needing to hurt myself, but then again I was just about to a minute ago. How rash I was being.

I sneak back to be my bed and sleep soundly.

I woke up, feeling disgusting and sweaty. The dormitory was alive with the usual rush that mornings brought. I could see my roommates were already back in the swing of things… unlike myself. I yawned, loud enough for Cole to hear and he glanced over.

"Might want to go have a shower." He said, snorting. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I looked down at the sheets and myself, confused.

I was drenched in sweat. It was still quite a cold winter, and the dormitory wasn't stuffy. I sat up quickly, aware of my friends' eyes on me, a blush creeping up on my pale cheeks.

Someone whistled and laughed. I couldn't tell who. I hastily pried my sheets off myself, and stood up. By this point, they had stopped teasing me and got back to whatever they were doing to prepare for the day. Still, Albus was near me and thank Merlin for his reflexes.

I don't know whether I stood up to quickly, or I was still half asleep or what but I stumbled as I got out of bed and if not for Albus, would have faceplanted.

He kept his hands on me only for as long as he had to, just to steady me but as soon as I got my footing, he snatched his hands away as if I had shocked him. I wasn't complaining but he seemed concerned.

"Scorp? You're burning up," Albus said, raising his eyebrows. He leaned forward as if to place his hand of my forehead but I dodged it.

"It'll be okay." I mumbled.

"No, I'll skip breakfast and take you to the hospital wing." Albus said strictly. I could feel Seb and Cole's eyes on the back of my head. There was no point in arguing, Albus has always been overly concerned about everyone's health and well-being. I remember in first year, I swallowed a bug and he made me go to the hospital wing. He has calmed down since then but the ordeal with James set his back a few steps.

I hurriedly got dressed, hoping that we could manage to make the trip to Pomfrey and back in time for breakfast.

Once we got to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey and the trainee she had taken under her wing, Miss Abbott, were both rushing around, treating the crowd of people that there usually was at this time of the year. To dealing out Pepper-Ups to treat the common cold, taking temperatures, fixing up people who slipped in the snow, and treating more serious ailments, they had their hands full. In fact, I could see someone currently being defrosted.

It took several minutes until someone shoved a small dose of Pepper-Up in my hands and I didn't protest. I downed it in one gulp, wanting to get out of here and claimed to be feeling better. If anything, it worsened the heat my body was producing and blurred the line between the white noise in my head and what Albus was saying.

I just told myself it will take a few minutes to settle and so we set off for breakfast at a fast pace. Albus made several attempts to start a conversation but each time, I shrugged it off. I was too weary, and I wasn't sure if it was just a fever wearing me down.

Just before we got the Great Hall, I had to lean against a wall for a moment, and Albus backed up when he realised I was no longer beside him. His face swam dizzyingly into my vision and I was forced to shut my eyes.

"Uh, Scorp? Scorpius? Pepper-Up not working?" I could hear the worry in his voice, even if he was trying to keep his tone light.

I fumbled over my words, creating something incoherent but when I waved my hand, and pushed myself off the wall, he seemed to get the message after all. Even though I was looking forward to filling my half-starved stomach this morning, but the time we sat down at the Slytherin table, I had lost my appetite.

 **Sorry! I have been so busy and then I was motivated to write another story instead lmao I'm the worst. But reviews/follows/favourites are so so encouraging! xo**


	8. eight

**SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape, anxiety, abuse, self-harm, suicide, bullying and sexual harassment.**

The next few days passed painfully slow. Saturday arrived along with a rapidly worsening sore throat, the fever only getting more difficult to hide, excuses for the huge bags under my eyes, no matter how much sleep I got and yawns growing more frequent with each passing day.

To sum it up, I felt like absolute shit.

Oh, and it was a Hogsmeade weekend. To which my friends ignored my moans and complaints and tried to make me go with them, thinking I just needed to have some fun and I'll be as good as new.

Yet, they could not drag my away from the window, with my cheek pressed to it, to relieve it of the temperature currently scalding each of my friends' hands as they attempted to nonetheless. I was also wrapped in too many blankets and looking like a flubberworm, for the rest of my body was experiencing the worst chills I could ever remember.

"Well, we aren't going to sit here with you, keeping your sick ass company and waiting to catch whatever illness you have." Seb said, rolling his eyes and giving up.

"Bring me back some butterbeer!" I said as cheerfully as I could as they walked away.

"If you aren't better by tonight, I'm taking you back to the hospital wing!" Albus shouted from just outside the dormitory, just before Cole shut the door and left me to the blissful silence.

I fell asleep soon after and woke up just in time for lunch. The small nap had given me just enough energy and I summoned it all to walk down to the Great Hall. Seeing as it was the first Hogsmeade weekend back from Christmas, there was only need for a single table (for the students at least).

I sat myself across from James, the first person I had spotted. He was talking to the same Slytherin as he was a few days ago, when I saw him last but the Slytherin cut off the conversation pretty quickly when she saw me. I don't blame her; I must be a sight for sore eyes.

I nodded in greeting to James and piled up my plate. Thank god my appetite hadn't been lost completely.

James nodded in turn and pushed his food around his plate.

"Why aren't you eating more?" I asked, genuinely curious. I had seen how much he could eat when I stayed with the Potters'. It's a wonder he could work everything off through Quidditch.

"I ate before you got here." He replied, curtly, flashing me a smile before taking a mouthful of food as if to prove he was eating.

I started on my plate, when one of the other seventh year Gryffindor's came over to talk to James. I could feel him eye me warily. I sighed and ate faster, hoping to get out of his watchful eye as soon as possible.

I felt a sting in my mouth. Great, just what tops it off. Mouth ulcers. As if I wasn't suffering enough already. With every bite that I took, I discovered another. I wonder how they got there so suddenly and without my knowledge.

By the time that I finished my meal, my mouth hurt too much to say a goodbye to James so I caught his eye and waved, him still deep on conversation with the other Gryffindor.

On my way out, I spotted Seb's cousin - what was his name again? – making his way towards me. And quickly. I sighed, knowing this was a bullet that I could not dodge. A very curious bullet with a mouth that never runs out of things to say and a mind that constantly ticks.

"Hello Scorpius. I just saw you as I walked in and remembered that we never got a chance to finish our lively discussion before Muggle Studies earlier this week." He said, in his oddly formal way of speaking. His eyes told me that he never forgot about it.

I didn't have anything to say back so I stared blankly at him and he cleared his throat and soldiered on.

"Yes, well, I was just curious as to what you smelled in the Amortentia. What is such a smell that you could love and yet could make you feel ill at the same time? Such an odd concept, would you not agree?"

"Yeah, uhh, well, the smell didn't make me feel ill," His name suddenly popped into my head, "Oliver." I tucked it on the end.

He cocked his head to the side slightly and gazed at me condescendingly. "Now that I think about it, what is someone like you doing alone in the castle on a Hogsmeade weekend?"

"Someone like me?" I ask, aware of the accusing tone in my voice. _Let him hear it,_ I think, bitterly. _He is wasting my time, after all._

He doesn't look startled, unlike everyone else happens to when they are around me these days. I hate to think how angry Blake has made me. How untrusting.

"It's just, you always seem to want to be alone but no one ever leaves you to be. I can't think why they would now." He says, knowingly. As if he knows a damn thing about me.

"Oh, quit it. We aren't even friends." I spit and stalk off, not wanting to spend a second longer around him, not wanting to allow him to observe anything else about me.

As I make my way back to the dungeons, I push Oliver out of my mind. I suspect Albus, Seb and Cole won't be back until at least dinner, which is fine by me. I take the opportunity to immerse myself in homework.

I set myself to work with a few hours' worth of it, and I am making steady progress when I hear the dorm door creak open.

"Ever heard of knocking?" I say, light-heartedly, without looking up. They must have come back early.

"Did you miss me?" I laugh lightly, turning around, expecting to see Albus, or Seb, or Cole.

Instead I come face to face with Blake.

"In fact, I did," He cooed. "We have barely had time alone since holidays finished."

I jump away from him but he closes the distance between our bodies. He slips his wand out from his back pocket and looks away for a moment to cast an alohomora on the door and a silencio around the room.

"That's better." He presses a kiss to my forehead and pulls away, laughing. "Bit hot?"

I glare at him, but reply anyway.

"I'm sick. And trust me, you don't want what I've got."

He laughs again, maniacally, and pulls my shirt over my head. I try to tug it down but it doesn't prevent him and he rips it without a thought.

His breath tickles my ear and cheek, as he unnecessarily whispers to me. "I've already got it."

I'm baffled as his body doesn't give off any extra body heat and with how close he is to me; I would be able to feel it. Maybe, since I am burning up as it is, I can't feel a difference? I decide that is the case.

He leaves a trail of hickeys, starting from my jawline and working its way down to my chest. He seems satisfied with that and let's his hand take over from there, running it over my pale stomach and under the waistband of my shorts. He takes my hand and repeats the same to himself, guiding my hand over his body.

I have no fight left in me. I lie there, taking it all. He doesn't let do as much damage as usual and leaves fairly quickly.

I have long forgotten my homework and don't bother moving until I hear more footsteps outside of the door, coming up the stairs. This time, it really is Seb, Cole and Albus. And they did come back earlier than I expected, but now I don't make the same jokes I did before. In fact, I don't so much as greet them as they march through the door.

I had not processed that Blake had undone the silencing spell and locking spell when he left and I thought it would've bought me some time to cover up, but alas, it had not and I just had time to cover my naked torso, along with the hickeys, with my doona.

Seb notices from across the room and yells at me jokingly to put a shirt on. Cole walks over and pokes at my stomach through the sheet, asking what I have to cover up, and laughing. I roll over, onto my stomach, leaving my back exposed to the draft they bought in.

"So, how was Hogsmeade?" I ask, ignoring my friends' jabs at me.

"Same old. But the Three Broomsticks have hired a hot new waitress." Seb replies, turning around to wink at me. I try not to react to it, even if it is obviously a joke.

Albus ignores this all. "How 'bout you, Scorp? Feeling any better?"

I debate lying to him, but this illness has been going on for too long. And a trip to the hospital wing might be a nice distraction. Albus would spend all day there if he could, talking to Madam Pomfrey and sometimes helping with the simple things. He wants to be a Healer when he leaves Hogwarts.

"No, not really. Worse, if anything." I finally reply.

"Right, we're seeing Pomfrey." Albus say, making it clear there was no alternative. He grabs my feet and attempts to drag me off my bed but I thrash my legs so he is forced to let go and laugh. I make sure no one can see my chest and I grab a random jumper and throw it on, along with my Slytherin scarf to hide any hickeys visible on my neck.

 **Trying to make up for never posting new chapters. Another is on its way! The next chapter will include a scene I have been trying to work my way up to for ages lmao.**


	9. nine

**SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape, anxiety, abuse, self-harm, suicide, bullying and sexual harassment.**

The hospital wing is undoubtedly less busy when we arrive. Albus immediately ushers me over to Madam Pomfrey and Miss Abbott, whom stand in front of an array of beds, half full, conversing. They drop whatever they were discussing when they see they have a patient.

"Mr Potter, Mr Malfoy. What can we do for you?" Madam Pomfrey asks, with a tight smile.

"You came in for a Pepper-Up, just the other day, am I right?" Miss Abbott asks, indicating with her chin at me.

"Uh, yes. It- it didn't work. In fact, I've gotten sicker over the last few days."

Miss Abbott frowns and Madam Pomfrey guides me to a bed, Albus moves to follow but decides against it, choosing to start a conversation with Miss Abbott instead.

Madam Pomfrey draw the curtain close, around the furthest bed and begins a series of questions.

"What are your symptoms?"

"I have a temperature, hot and cold flushes…"

She pushes the back of her hand against my forehead.

"I have been really dizzy and tired, a sore throat…"

She asks me to open my mouth and she usually some kind of magic to take a look.

"And those ulcers?" She asks, after she finished inspecting my throat. "When did they occur?"

"I'm not sure… I first noticed them today, because I haven't had much of an appetite for the past few days and they didn't get disturbed." I reply, nervous.

She accios a set of scales.

"Could you please step on these?"

I do as she asks. Almost four pounds lighter than I remember being. And I am light as it is for my age. Pomfrey frowns. I step off of the scales and sit on the edge of the bed.

"Have you been eating well, despite loss of appetite?"

"As far as I know."

"Have you been vomiting consistently recently?"

I think back to the start of the week, during Potions. "No."

"Are you comfortable with taking off your shirt?"

I shake my head.

"Could you please lift it up, just to your bellybutton, then?"

I comply, and she presses her hand to my abdomen. And then presses a bit more, still gently but I groan. I hadn't noticed before now, but it hurt. She raises her eyebrows.

"Have you been sexually active?"

I nodded numbly.

"Have you always used some form of protection, whether it be a spell or a Muggle method?"

I shake my head. Not once.

"When was the first time you had unprotected sex?"

"J-just over two weeks ago."

She nods.

"And the last time?"

"Just over a week ago." I whisper, although I know that Albus wouldn't be able to hear this conversation anyway.

"I'm going to need a blood sample, if you wouldn't mind." She states, as if it is nothing.

I inch away from her. "What? Why?" I'm panicking now. Here I thought it was just the flu.

She purses her lips.

"Look! I have rights! As a patient!" I know my voice is growing louder and it sounds hoarse. I haven't spoken so loudly in a while.

She hushes me and I try to control my heavy breathing.

"I suspect you may have developed or be developing H.I.V."

I must have shown my confusion, because she continues.

"It is a sexually transmitted infection. If left untreated, it can develop into AIDS."

Now, something that I recognised. AIDS. Blake. He recognised the symptoms. He said he had the same thing. I could feel a rage grow inside of me, but I couldn't let that show. Instead, I held out my wrist and somewhere along the lines, gave her permission to collect a blood sample.

She told me the results would be ready by tomorrow morning and, ignoring the pamphlet she held out to me, stormed out of the hospital wing. Albus hurried to my side, apologising to Miss Abbott and began to inquire about my condition.

I was tempted to tell him, but what might he make of it? Would he want to be friends with a fag? Besides, I might not even end up having it. I took a deep breath to calm myself. All these thoughts running around in my head, I could barely make sense of them.

"It's nothing serious." I tell Albus.

"Well, if it does end up being serious, you'd say so, right?" He looks up at me with big, green eyes, not quite the same shade as the famous Potters' before him. And his eyes always showed concern.

"Don't worry," I said, although I knew he hated when I told him not to. He always insisted it was just in his nature, that he couldn't help it. "Look, if we hurry, we can make it to dinner."

So, hurry we did, in silence, me struggling to keep up. It seemed I was always being late for meals lately. The Great Hall was almost full when we arrived, and so we had to walk past much of the school, most of which were seated.

I disliked all the eyes on me, but I was used to it by now. A death eater's son, whom most of the student body feel as if he hasn't yet redeemed his father's actions, and the war hero's Slytherin son. What an odd pairing.

I could hear some of Albus's cousins, even siblings, telling off their friends' and fellow housemates for staring and I felt grateful. I was so paranoid that someone would be able to tell that I was infected, no, wait, _could_ be infected, by just looking. I risked a few looks while we walked past and caught Lily Potter's eye, whom immediately blushed and broke eye contact, and then Oliver, who stared at me unwaveringly, with piercingly intelligent eyes. This time _I_ had to break off, shuddering.

Albus noticed the former of these interactions and once we sat down, across from Seb, Cole and next to a group of third years, proceeded to poke fun at me about it.

"You know she has had a crush on you for years, right?" Cole added in.

"Well, yeah, I'm not blind. Sorry." I said, looking at Albus. He shook his head and smiled.

"So long as you don't break her heart." He said, jokingly. But Lily Potter was not the Potter I was interested in.

I eat in silence from there on in, listening to the rest of them talk, and then when that grew boring, I listened in on the third years that were sitting next to us. I only recognised one of them, a daughter of one of my father's friends. We had exchanged hellos at dinner parties once or twice but we were not close. I couldn't put my finger on her first name, but her last name is one that I couldn't forget.

Goyle.

I don't understand how my father and her's are still close, despite everything. My father told me all about their history, even if it meant throwing himself under the bus. That is one thing I can admire him for, being able to own up to his actions. I am like him in the respect that I don't want to, even if I always come around eventually.

The third years' chatter also became tiring; all gossip and whatever else thirteen-year-old girls talk about. So, I spiked up a conversation with Seb, about his creepy ass cousin.

"Seb?"

"Mmhmm?" He acknowledged, mouth full of mashed potato.

"What's the deal with that Oliver kid?"

He swallowed. "My cousin? I didn't realise you two knew each other."

"We don't. At least," I thought for a moment, "I don't know him. Can't say the same for him."

Seb grinned. "Yeah, he's pretty damn perceptive. Seems to know things before the person in question does themselves."

I shivered at that and it did not go unnoticed. His grin disappears.

"Why do you ask?"

By now, Cole and Albus, and possibly some of those pesky third years, were unapologetically listening in. Aware of this, I shook my head and dismissed it. "Nothing. I'll talk to you all later, okay?"

With that, I got up from the table. Albus looked like he was going to follow, but I shot him a look and he got the message. I just needed to be alone right now, because little did they know that I wasn't very alone in the holidays.

 **Hope you guys are loving all the updates. I know there are sooo many mistakes, but I'm just too lazy to fix them. Point them out if they are bothering you though! Or point them out regardless, because some I may not have noticed and I will fix them and then keep it in mind for future chapters. xx**


	10. ten

**SCORPIUS'S POV. Bold are author's notes, italics are flashbacks. Trigger warning: Rape, anxiety, abuse, self-harm, suicide, bullying and sexual harassment.**

Sunday morning, I got up early. The others were sleeping in, as per usual for the last day of the weekend, so there wasn't much need but I was better to be safe than sorry. I got dressed silently, but it took at least twice as long, as my hands were shaking. I didn't want to let myself think the worst, but I just knew. I knew it _was_ the worst. There was a knot in my stomach, and having it verified wasn't going to make this any easier.

I knew that I would have to go through this alone, to make matters worse. Sure, I could talk to Madam Pomfrey but that wasn't exactly ideal. And Albus is always open, and he even insisted I come to him if it were serious, but I wouldn't think he would be okay with this. _I'm_ not okay with this.

Refusing to break down, I march off to the hospital wing. It is a long and lonely walk, from the dungeons to fourth. Despite the distance, I did not encounter anyone along the way. Unfortunately, this gave me plenty of time to think. I thought about how different everything was before the holidays. How much more often I smiled, how I could ignore my sexuality, how I didn't have to scrub away at the memories left on my skin. I could trust people, and love people, and now I can't do that. No one will shake me awake when I have slept in, no one will throw their arm around my shoulders offhandedly, no one will grab my arm to stop me from walking away from them, ever again. Because they know I will react negatively.

And I hate how much I complain, and how pessimistic I've become. I hate that I use the word hate more than I use the word love and I hate how insecure and isolated I am now and I hate how aware I am of being gay and I am disgusted with myself and by myself. I'm angry and paranoid all the fucking time and I hate feeling like this.

I am distracted by my own thoughts and by the time my feet automatically stop outside of the hospital wing's door, my legs burn, wanting to be unburdened by sitting down. I forced myself to push the doors open and keep walking, despite wanting to turn around and never hear the results of the blood test.

"Ah, Mr Malfoy." Miss Abbotts greeted me, warmly. I could hear a touch of pity in her voice.

I nodded and attempted a smile. A look around the room told me that the few patients that were here, were sleeping.

"Do you know if- Are the-" I swallowed. "Does Madame Pomfrey have the results?"

"Yes, actually. Come on, she'll be in her office," She replied, smiling, and then led the way. She knocked on the door, which was slightly ajar, softly. It swung open, without the slightest squeak. With a tight smile, Pomfrey gestured for me to step it, and I obeyed, Miss Abbotts walking away. I wanted to beg for her to stay, to discuss something urgent with Madame Pomfrey and stall the delivery of bad news. Alas, she did not, and it was just Pomfrey and I.

"Malfoy, please, take a seat." She said. My legs nearly gave out within the few steps between the door and the chair. Thankfully, they didn't and I'm sure that if it did, it would've brought tears to my eyes in embarrassment of being so clumsy. Yet, Madame Pomfrey knows a lot worse things about me.

She takes a seat behind her desk.

"I tested your blood sample for H.I.V."

I cast my eyes downward and remain silent. I can feel the warmth being leeched out of my cheeks for the first time in days. Instead the ill feeling races towards my stomach, forming a pit. I dislike it.

"Your blood was tested positive for H.I.V."

I swear I had to have misheard her. Even after convincing myself of the worst outcome, I didn't want to believe it.

"Is- is there _any_ way-" I broke off and buried my head into my hands, not wanting to hear the answer. She had to be wrong.

"No, magic is extremely accurate, whereas with muggle equipment, there could always be faults."

I want to scream, to kick something, to cry. But I was frozen.

"We have limited options with muggle medicine, but there are still some available. This proves to be easier for students-"

This makes me looks up. Students. It makes me feel slightly less alone. Even if I knew Blake already had it, at least it wasn't just the two of us.

"To manage, as it is just a series of pills to be taken every day. But there is also a potion, which has no side effects, unlike the muggle medication. However, you must come to me twice a day, after meals to take it."

I thought this over. Obviously, the potion would draw attention and cause suspicions.

"What about during holidays? What would I do then?"

"If you took the muggle medication, I could set you up with the required dosage for the holidays or give you a prescription to take to the muggle doctors. With the potion, you will need to find someone who could make it for you. I can help you find someone, if need be. It must be a Healer, however."

More drawbacks to the potion. Under any other circumstances, I would have immediately chosen the potion. It was familiar, unlike muggle medication. But I just couldn't. Especially with my dad being a Healer himself, word would eventually get to him, as if he wouldn't notice me taking a potion twice a day.

"What muggle options are there?" I ask.

"There is a tablet you can take once a day, Atripla," She slid a pamphlet across the polished wood desk. "Or a Combivir tablet to take twice a day, accompanied with a Sustiva tablet to take once a day," Two more pamphlets slid over.

I look down at both the sheets, words swimming before my eyes and look back up, helplessly, at Madame Pomfrey.

"Look, no one should be coming to see me for a while, and if there is an unexpected visitor, Miss Abbotts is more than capable of dealing with them. Read over those now, and I can help you decide."

"Thank you." I say, quietly, and pick up the first pamphlet.

It took me twenty minutes to read through all the pamphlets, then reread the sections I had questions about. It took almost another fifteen minutes to talk it over with Pomfrey, to discuss all the questions I had, and how I would manage living with this, and the possible side effects. I made up my mind another ten minutes later.

She gave me a small, brown paper bag, containing a blister pack of Atripla, along with a small bottle of pills, the pamphlet I had just read on it and several pamphlets on the H.I.V. virus and AIDS. I hesitated before accepting it. And then I was on my way.

As I neared the Great Hall, I heard a rush of voices and laughs. Breakfast. I swore, knowing it was currently in full swing and I wouldn't be able to make it back to the Great Hall if I put the bag away. I could always just go to the kitchen, but the house elves won't be happy if I go straight after breakfast.

I debated my options, but I couldn't resist the smell of fried eggs and coffee. Praying nobody would question the small package, I enter. I'm halfway to the Slytherin table, when Cole spots me. I can see his mouth open in surprise and then turn into a roaring laugh. I freeze where I am. Do they know? How did they find out? He points me out to Seb and Albus and few other Slytherins also look, wanting to know the cause of his outburst. I start to back away, seeing a few Slytherins crack a smile and turn their heads to their friends, seeing Seb also starting to laugh.

Albus grimaces and makes his way over. I want to walk away but my feet won't go any further. By the time my body is listening to my brain, Albus has already reached me.

He puts a hand on my shoulder and gently turns me away from the rest of the school. I try not to react, try not to draw any more unnecessary attention to myself and thankfully Albus removes his hand quickly.

"Scorp, you have hickeys all over your neck." He says, and I can tell he is trying not to join in with the laughter.

"Oh, shit!" My hand shoots towards the side of my neck. I had completely forgotten about them. Albus caves and lets out a chuckle. He is already untwining a green and silver scarf from his own neck.

"Oh, shut the fuck up." I grumble, accepting the warm scarf he is offering. He spots the paper bag as I adjust the scarf, and he stops laughing.

"What's that?" He asks, making a start towards the Slytherin table.

"Mind your own." I say, aiming for teasing but falling short. He looks slightly offended but masks it quickly. I feel terrible instantly. He doesn't deserve how much I have been snapping at him recently.

I sit down with a still snickering Cole and Seb and make a point to ignore their remarks. Guilt is still gnawing away at my stomach, but I eat my fill nonetheless. The brown paper bag rests in my lap, and it feel like 100 pounds.

 **What is this? An update? I'm terrible, I'm sorry. This story is also terrible, I'm sorry. Reviews motivate me thoughhh ;)**


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